Kindness in Breast Cancer

Kindness in Breast Cancer

When you break the news to your friends that you have been diagnosed with cancer, the
first thing they will do, after their initial shock and concern, is offer to do something for
you. You should think about this. Not too long. Not too hard. Just long enough and hard
enough to figure out what you need done and then let them do it.

If you are anything like me, you will think that you can handle this, that the systems you
have set in place will work just fine and people shouldn’t trouble themselves for you. Type
A personalities, in particular, take note: you should disabuse yourself of this notion as soon
as possible. People really want to help, so make them feel good by letting them and you
will feel good too.

You will receive extraordinary acts of kindness and love from people all around you,
people in parts of your life whom you might not have given much thought to beyond a
perfunctory nod or hello in the morning. You learn to accept this kindness because you like
to think that you will be as helpful to them or others should they be in the same
predicament. What’s more, you actually really need the help, even though you may not
know that to begin with.

Sara was one of the kind angels who surrounded me. Using her well-honed instincts as a
television producer, she got word out via e-mail to a large list of friends about my diagnosis
and treatment. She also used her skills to organize our meals with an online calendar,
outlining details of how many to feed and our dietary restrictions. She provided precise
delivery instructions and even put a cooler on the porch so we didn’t have to answer the
door if we weren’t in the mood! For five months our family of four was fed by Sara and
her battalion of angels, friends, and colleagues from so many spheres of my life.

This single act probably contributed most to preventing the strain that could have
disintegrated our family as we dealt with my medical challenge. Our friends all cooked
wonderful, healthy, and appetizing meals, and there was one gesture in particular that spoke
volumes. Everyone who made a salad made their own dressing! Even after all this time has
passed, it is something that strikes me as extraordinary. This seemingly small act spoke
volumes about how kind people are and how much thought they put into helping at a time
of need.

There is the kind angel who drives you places if your husband can’t be two places at
once; the immensely kind angel nurses who stay sunny and upbeat as you are going
through the most awful thing in your life; the amazing volunteers at the chemotherapy
infusion center—they are very special angels of kindness; the wonderfully kind and loving
administrative staff at all my doctors’ offices, the frontline troops in your medical mission,
handling the vital task of logistics; the parking attendant at the office who parked my car
and helped me carry things on the days I did go to work and who made me feel okay about
my baldness because under his hat he was bald too. He is an angel, and his name really is
Ammanuel. Your friend who had also gone through breast cancer and delivers a wedge
pillow that is indispensable (see “P Is for Pillows”); the amazing mothers who take your
kids off your hands when you’re in need of a break; your self-centered teenage daughters
who have enough awareness to know that no matter how much you don’t want to, Mom
really needs you to hold her hand as she takes a walk around the block just to keep her
systems running and alert. Kindness abounds in ways big and small in your life. Embrace it.