U for Un- in Breast Cancer

Yes, I know, this is a prefix. But here’s the thing: I couldn’t decide on which un- since
there are so many! The first one is understanding. There are so many things you need to
understand when you have breast cancer. You need to understand that it is unfair and it is
uncertain and it is unpredictable and it seems unending.

It is unfair. On hearing your diagnosis, this will probably be one of your first thoughts.
You will not think about that list of possible factors for breast cancer (see “G Is for Guilt”),
you will just think about the cruel hand of fate that has dealt you this blow. The reality is, it
is unfair that you have breast cancer. There is no logic to it. In the majority of cases there
isn’t even a genetic explanation for it. It just is (see “O Is for Odds”). The cosmic answer
to “why me?” is “why not?”

Uncertainty will pursue you in Cancerland, nipping at your heels like an irritating,
yapping little dog that you actually want to kick away but can’t. Should I get a second
opinion? Should I shave off my hair? Should I have a prophylactic mastectomy? Should I
have the most aggressive treatment even if the pathologies are inconclusive? At some point
you will be uncertain about every single decision that you make.

How you are going to react to your treatment is somewhat unpredictable, at least to
begin with. If you are having surgery, it might take you longer to bounce back than your
doctor tells you. Everyone’s reaction to chemotherapy is different too. Your doctor can list
all the possible side effects that come from the chemo, and she may even sound like one of
those disclaimers they throw on the ends of commercials for drugs while she does it. Yet it
is hard to predict which ones will hit you. If you understand this seeming unpredictability,
you might find some patterns. After your first chemo session, keep notes on how you react
and when. You’re likely to see a pattern as you progress through the sessions, and
understanding that goes halfway to helping you deal with it.

Every single thing about going through breast cancer will, at some point, strike you as
unending. And indeed, when you are going through all this crap, it is unending. As I’ve
mentioned before in this book, the constant round of medical appointments seems
unending, and that’s before you’ve even started your treatment. Once you’ve gone through
surgery and chemo, you might face weeks of daily radiation—that can seem unending.

And then when you’ve gone through all your treatment, the uncertainty of whether the
cancer will come back again is unending and thus something you have to manage. All I can
tell you is that you will get to the other side. It may not seem like it when you are in the
thick of it, but it is true. Some of this crap really does come to an end.

So, what you need most in your life, at this time, is some understanding in all its
meaning. Obviously you need to understand what is happening to you, the status of your
disease, and the plan to treat it. You can also look for some understanding from those
around you as you go through your treatment. Help them understand what you are going
through and what you are feeling. This is the only way for everyone to get through it.

U for Un- in Breast Cancer