Even though my husband is still alive, I find myself thinking about my life after he dies. Somehow, this doesn’t seem right—is it wrong to have these kinds of thoughts?

91. Even though my husband is still alive,
I find myself thinking about my life after he
dies. Somehow, this doesn’t seem right—is
it wrong to have these kinds of thoughts?

Some people, when faced with the impending loss of a
loved one, prepare themselves by imagining what life
will be like after the loss and how they will react. They
can even experience emotions similar to those they
would feel if their loved one had already passed away.
This preparation, referred to as anticipatory grief by
some, may serve to lessen the distress of bereavement
later on and to facilitate the adjustment process.


Anticipatory grief = Beginning to experience the loss of
someone before the person actually dies.


You should not judge yourself for having these kinds of
thoughts and feelings. But be aware if they are affecting
the way you think of your husband in the present
here and now and how you act toward him. There is
the possibility of separating yourself too early from
your loved one through anticipatory grief. Your husband
still needs you, and there are still meaningful opportunities
to experience and celebrate the value of your life
together and your relationship with one another.

Preparing yourself should not leave you emotionally
distant from him.