The doctors say there is nothing more they can do to treat my wife’s cancer.What do I do now? Just give up?

90. The doctors say there is nothing more they
can do to treat my wife’s cancer.What do I do
now? Just give up?

Remember that you always have the option of
seeking a medical opinion from another physician.

This time period is often filled with important decisions.
Make sure that you fully understand what the
doctor is telling you. He or she may not be able to give
you a specific prognosis, but make sure that you are
clear about what the doctor is saying about your wife’s
condition. Why, exactly, is there nothing left to do? If
your wife is interested in getting more treatment, be
sure to ask about any other possible treatments available,
including experimental treatments. Remember
that you always have the option of seeking a medical
opinion from another physician.

After investigating the options, your wife may decide to
discontinue treatment, which is sometimes the hardest
decision for patients, and physicians, to make. Physicians
use different words (“palliation,” “supportive care,”
and “comfort care”) to represent a shift from focusing
on curing the cancer to treating the symptoms of cancer
during the later stages of the disease process. Palliative
care sometimes involves chemotherapy, radiation therapy,
or even surgery to help alleviate such symptoms.
Supportive care and comfort care also refer to symptom
management, often with the use of medications, and
may include hospice care.


Supportive or comfort care = Focuses on treating
the symptoms of disease in the later stages of the terminal
disease process.


Ending treatment that has not cured the cancer is
often a shock for patients and family members. For
example, you may feel hopeless, overwhelmed, and/or
angry, and these feelings may be directed at the doctor
for not being able to cure your loved one, or at the
patient—or yourself—for not “fighting hard enough.”

These are all normal reactions. Emotions such as sadness,
loss, and despair sometimes follow. Other people
may have prepared themselves for when this time was
coming and may be more accepting of the impending
death (particularly if they discussed these issues
beforehand with their support system members).

During this time, people in the later stages of the illness
often focus on making their last days as positive as
possible. If you and your loved one are in this situation,
there are some questions to ask her, the answers
to which may help both of you better understand how
each of you feels and what her wishes are at this time.

Ask your wife, “Do you want to be in the hospital during
your last days? At home? At a hospice facility? Do
you want to be pain free? Whom do you want to be
with you? What do you want to do before you die?
Express your feelings for your loved ones? Make
amends with someone? Pray and focus on your spirituality?
Do you have any specific religious tasks you want
to complete? Do you believe in an afterlife? If so, what
do you imagine? Is it fearful or comforting to you?”

Answering these questions is difficult. Discussing
them with others may be more so. This is a time when
many people look back on their lives, focusing on their
relationships, the meaning of life and death, and possibly
their relationship with God. Your loved one may
struggle psychologically with understanding and coping
with her death. She may also struggle to help your
family cope with death. You, on the other hand, may
or may not understand all her decisions. Your loved
one may have philosophical questions that cannot be
answered, or she may feel anxious about leaving loved
ones. All of these issues and more may arise. Often,
meeting with a chaplain or spiritual advisor, social
worker, or the doctor can help patients and family find
answers to questions and reduce distress about common
concerns that arise during the later stages of life.