Whom should I tell at work that my family member has cancer?

84. Whom should I tell at work that my
family member has cancer?

Telling one or two trusted friends, specifying that
you want to keep the diagnosis confidential, may be
a way to obtain needed support and attempt tomaintain
control over what people know about the cancer diagnosis.

Telling people at work may have benefits, but disclosure
can also have some potential drawbacks. Many
people have close friends at work, and talking to these
colleagues may provide them emotional support and
opportunity to talk about their experiences. You may
find that people you know have gone through similar
experiences and can provide some good advice. However,
many family members have told us that sometimes
“advice” can be unsolicited, unhelpful, and
sometimes overwhelming. Family members may tell a
lot of people in the beginning of the diagnosis, and
then later regret the widespread disclosure because it
seems like the “whole world” knows their personal
business. It can then be hard to simply escape thinking
about and discussing the cancer, and to focus on work.

If you do want to disclose, you may want to consider
telling only the people who need to know. For example,
it may (or may not) be necessary to tell your supervisor
or human resources staff in order to receive time
off to attend medical appointments or care for the
patient. Telling one or two trusted friends, specifying
that you want to keep the diagnosis confidential, may
be a way to obtain needed support and attempt to
maintain control over what people know about the
cancer diagnosis. You can also be selective in what you
disclose. For example, you may say that your family
member has cancer, but you do not have to talk about
the specifics, such as stage of the disease, treatments,
or the details about how the patient is doing. Furthermore,
sometimes people at work will know the patient,
or in smaller communities where “everyone knows
everyone,” it is important to consider your loved one’s
feelings about disclosure as well. Together, with the
patient and other family and friends, talk about who is
to be told, and what they will be told.