After telling my wife she had cancer, one of the first things the doctor suggested was that she stop smoking. She’s tried in the past, but it hasn’t worked.How can I help her?

39. After telling my wife she had cancer, one
of the first things the doctor suggested was
that she stop smoking. She’s tried in the past,
but it hasn’t worked.How can I help her?

No matter how long she might have smoked,
quitting now can have real health benefits.

It’s not easy to give up tobacco use. It’s all the more
difficult when there is a physical dependency involved.

Many people who use tobacco find the drug nicotine
to be powerfully addictive. Some smokers can just quit
cold turkey; many others, however, have to make
numerous attempts before they successfully quit and
put the tobacco use behind them once and for all.

There are many methods to assist people to quit smoking,
however, and your encouragement can be an
important part of her support system.

By now, your loved one has probably understood the
message that smoking is bad for her, and the sooner
she quits, the better. She may not know, however, that
no matter how long she might have smoked, quitting
now can have real health benefits. Some people assume
that after a certain point, it’s too late to help, but this is
not true. Ask about her thoughts regarding quitting or
not quitting, but don’t preach or criticize. Rather than
trying to provide her with the “correct” information,
it’s more important to understand, from her point of
view, her smoking and her difficulty with quitting.

Gently ask her what the reasons are for her smoking,
and what her barriers are to quitting. After listening to
what she has to say, follow up by asking her what she
thinks you can do to help.

Being a supportive partner requires you to be nonjudgmental.
Nagging and confronting the smoker with
threats will only undermine your ability to help. Ultimately,
it’s her decision to make. Being a positive
influence—offering praise and encouragement, rewarding
her for the progress she makes, however small,
helping her to find other ways of relieving the stress
that may be causing her to smoke in the first place—is
a much better way of showing how much you care for
her, whether she quits or not.

Social support is a tremendous asset in helping someone
to quit smoking. You can recruit other family members
and friends to provide more positive reinforcement for
your wife. There are also smoking cessation programs
that can provide individual or group-based counseling
and support. You can probably find these services at
your local major medical center or through such
national organizations as the American Cancer Society
and the American Lung Association (see the Appendix
for contact information).

Nicotine replacement therapy (such as “the patch,”
nicotine gum, inhalers that look like cigarettes, or nasal
spray), counseling, and Zyban® or Chantix® (prescription
medications) are available and have been shown to
improve a person’s chances of successfully quitting.

Behavioral techniques also can be particularly effective.
When a tobacco craving occurs, simply waiting
five minutes, drinking a glass of water, or finding
another distraction will allow the craving to pass without
choosing to smoke a cigarette. Additionally,
changing routines that lead to smoking and avoiding
“hot spots” for smoking can be tremendously helpful in
stopping cravings. For example, if your wife smokes
during her morning routine, such as when she’s drinking
coffee, she can change her morning routine to disrupt
the link to smoking (perhaps by having her coffee
later in the morning). Or, if she tends to smoke in bars
or on breaks at work, she can avoid these pressure situations
for a while until she has successfully quit and
can better resist temptation.

Keep in mind that people often try to quit many times
before they are eventually successful. If your wife tries
and then “fails,” try to help her see this temporary
quitting as a partial success rather than a total failure.

Encourage her to try again when she is ready, and
since she has had practice quitting before, the next
time may be even easier. If she has been hospitalized
for a while and cannot smoke, the admission can be
the jump-start to a long-term attempt at quitting.
Also, if you also use tobacco (even cigars, pipes, or
chewing tobacco), quitting together might give you
both the extra support you need.