How do I help my loved one better manage the emotional “ups” and “downs”?

30.How do I help my loved one better
manage the emotional “ups” and “downs”?

Expressing both positive and negative thoughts and
emotions is normal. This is as much a concern for you
as it is for the person with cancer. You and your loved
one can balance your emotions by focusing on the positive
in addition to recognizing the unpleasant
thoughts. Think of this as positive coping and not
merely “positive thinking.” As your loved one becomes
more comfortable with this kind of coping, you too
may start to feel more comfortable with him or her
expressing a mixture of positive and negative reactions.
Being more positive doesn’t mean erasing everything
negative from your consciousness.


Positive coping = Techniques of thinking and behaving
that help a patient respond to an event or stress more
effectively.


Furthermore, suppressing negative thoughts and emotions
does not work because people tend to think more
about the very thing they try to forget. In other words,
the more someone resists an emotion or thought, the
stronger it may become. It’s like trying not to think of
a white elephant. The more you try not to think of it,
the more often a white elephant pops into your mind.

Suppression =  Trying not to think about something.

If you (or your loved one) find yourself thinking
unpleasant thoughts, first of all, do not judge yourself
for thinking them. Take some time to focus on those
thoughts to help yourself identify what is truly bothering
you. Do you picture a certain image, such as an
unpleasant medical procedure? A recurring scenario or
a particular worry? Sometimes talking about the
unpleasant thoughts is a good way of getting to the heart
of the concern, and this can help resolve the problem.

If you (or your loved one) find yourself frequently
thinking and/or talking about a particular worry, you
may want to take action to help yourself, either by
solving the problem (if possible) or seeking help from
a mental health professional to help you and your
loved one cope better with the problem.

Do not try to radically change your or your loved
one’s personality if either of you is generally a pessimistic
person, since this would be nearly impossible.

If you are confused about whether either of you is
“thinking properly,” need help with positive coping
strategies, or would like advice on how to better communicate
with each other or other family members,
speak to your social worker or another counselor for
guidance.