Why did I become the caregiver?

Why did I become the caregiver?

Mark’s comment:

I became the primary caregiver for my mother because I
was the only relative who lived nearby, and I was also the
one who was emotionally closest to her. After I reached
adulthood, I had become as much a friend to her as a son. I
was also fortunate enough to be self-employed, which
allowed me a great deal of flexibility in my time. But even
if that hadn’t been the case, as far as I was concerned, it
was my responsibility as her son to take care of her when
she was sick. That was a good enough reason for me.

There is an expectation in our society that a person
with a life-threatening illness will have someone to
assume the role of primary caregiver. Most often this
is a spouse (or “significant other”) or an adult child for
an older patient.When family, either by blood or marriage,
is unavailable, we often look to close friends to
provide essential support.

Primary caregiver = One who provides or organizes others
to provide the essential logistical and emotional
support for a person with cancer.

Although the caregiver role would seem to fall on the
person who has the closest relationship with the
patient, a number of other factors influence the decision
as to who will take on the primary caregiving
responsibility. Proximity, or simply living close by, may
be one reason why it was decided that you as opposed
to your sister, who lives farther away, would be your
mother’s caregiver. Of course, the patient may have
asked you to help simply because he or she trusts you
and believes you’ll do a good job. Or, you may have
volunteered for this role as primary caregiver because it
is a role you feel comfortable with.

Many people, despite the shock and dismay of having
a loved one diagnosed with cancer, find solace and
deep personal satisfaction in being a primary caregiver.
It is a role that allows them to demonstrate, through
the care they provide, their love and esteem for the
patient. Also, it feels good to be helpful and feel
needed by a loved one.

For others, their reaction to caregiving might be more
ambivalent. Because of a history of strained family relationships,
they may wonder “why me?” They may feel
pressure not only from family members, but also from
coworkers, acquaintances, and members of the healthcare
team as well, to provide care, regardless of their
desire or perceived ability to do so. If you became the
primary caregiver because of other people’s expectations,
it is important that you are aware of these expectations
and your own feelings about the matter. Mixed
feelings at the beginning about your role can lead to a
greater sense of frustration later on, so it is important to
acknowledge your limits as early as possible before they
become problematic, so that you and the patient can
make alternative care arrangements, if possible.