Our lives have been out of control since my partner was diagnosed with cancer. How can we regain some control?

27. Our lives have been out of control since
my partner was diagnosed with cancer.
How can we regain some control?

Loss of control is a common feeling for people with
cancer. Most aspects of their lives are going to be disrupted,
at least temporarily. People with cancer may
feel that their own body has turned against them and
that body functions that were once automatic may now
be less in their control. They may have difficulty with
altered bowel movements, appetite and weight change,
pain, and/or when surgery and other treatments
change their bodies. Attending medical appointments,
dealing with insurance, and handling many other
issues disrupt usual routines. The side effects of treatment
(e.g., nausea, fatigue, and weight changes) may
affect their—and your—ability to socialize or participate
in usual activities.

These disruptions associated with cancer diagnosis
leave some people feeling frustrated and depleted. Try
to remind your partner and yourself that many of these
disruptions are temporary and will subside. Be aware
that concerns about control in some areas sometimes
lead a person to believe that all things are out of his or
her control. This simply is not true. Some ways to help
yourself include focusing on what you can control,
including engaging in enjoyable activities (either old or
new ones), asking for assistance when needed, and
learning about other ways that you can help yourself.
Remember that learning more about the disease, its treatment,
and the side effects of treatment can be important steps toward
normalizing your life and taking back control. You will
know what is expected and when to seek medical
attention, making the process seem more in your control
and less intimidating.