How do I get away from feeling that the cancer is our entire life?

50. How do I get away from feeling that
the cancer is our entire life?

Ask yourselves what you love in your lives
and what you enjoy the most. After you
identify these things, do them.Now. Live life!

In the beginning, a diagnosis can reasonably consume
a lot of time and energy. After the initial crisis and
treatment decisions are made, it is important to allow
other aspects of your lives to regain importance.

Granted, if a future crisis arises, less urgent things are
put on the back shelf—but it is important to keep life
as normal as possible. For example, you can also identify
some people as “fun activity partners,” meaning
people that you can just be with, without necessarily
talking about the cancer. Go to the movies, go out to
dinner, or play golf with these people. Identify other
supporters and good distractions in your life, such as
attending religious services, going to work, spending
time with your family and friends, or taking up a new
hobby or class. Do small things for yourself, like buying
something fun and spontaneous—a CD from a
completely new artist, or a new electronic gadget,
maybe even a gossip magazine; your loved one may
want to do the same. Ask yourselves what you love in
your lives and what you enjoy the most. After you
identify these things, do them. Now. Live life! Tell
yourselves, “We are fighting for life, so let’s take time
to enjoy the very thing we are fighting for.”

Despite the seriousness of their cancer diagnosis,
many patients and their family members find that
humor is crucial to feeling more normal again. Do
not forget to laugh. More importantly, do not forget
how to laugh. Humor and laughter can defuse tense
situations and can be great stress relievers. Find
humor and laughter in different places: identify a
particularly funny person in your life and spend time
with him or her, go to a comedy movie, watch
humorous cartoons, read a book from the humor section
of the library, or even go to a live comedy show.

If you find it hard to do such things, do still try them,
and remember to focus on the moment as much as
you can. It will help you enjoy the jokes and laugh,
lighten your mood, and take your mind off the more
serious things for a while.

Table 2 Tips for managing stress and better coping
• Learn more about the diagnosis and treatments.
• Identify and evaluate past coping techniques: Did they work in the
past? Will they work again?
• Utilize the support of friends, family, and colleagues.
• “Be in the moment.” Focus on the here and now.
• Adjust yourself to new limits.
• Exercise and be active.
• Find ways to relax.
• Live your life, remember to laugh, and maintain hope.

And no matter what comes your way, try to maintain
hope. Hope for the things you feel are vital in your life.
Many people hope for doing something special they
have planned with family and friends. Others find hope
in spiritual and religious realms. Identify what you and
your partner hope for, even though this may change
over time. Keep this thing in mind because it will
help you to remember what you are living for. Table 2
provides some helpful tips.

Mark’s comment:

Even during treatment, patients are still people who have
lives. During treatment or after treatment, if they really
want to live their life, then let them—don’t try to wrap
them in bubble wrap to protect them. If they want to go sky
diving, pay for it! If they want to go skiing, let them—and a
new set of skis is always a great gift. The only thing you
should insist upon is that when they go off skiing, they need
to at least let you know they’re going so you don’t get worried
by their sudden disappearance (which is what my mother did
to me and my sister—scared us silly, because we had no idea
where she’d gone!). Encourage them to spend their money—
even if it is your inheritance; they deserve it. Oh yeah, and if
they feel like buying a Crown Vic police interceptor . . . like
my mother did . . . just know that it’s a very fast car!