My husband has very little to say about his cancer, other than, “The doctors will take care of it.”How do I break through his denial?

37. My husband has very little to say about
his cancer, other than, “The doctors will take
care of it.”How do I break through his denial?

“Denial” is a loaded word. Many people use the word
denial, typically when referring to it as a negative way
to cope. However, denial, in fact, can be a useful coping
technique, serving as a defense mechanism to temporarily
shield people from their emotions. Denial can
help someone to avoid thoughts or emotions that
would be too much to handle at one time. Denial can
be useful, but when it compromises a person’s ability to
cope or follow medical advice, or when it is extreme
(to the point where he denies he even has cancer, for
instance), it can lead to higher levels of stress. In particular,
people who deny a problem are less likely to
solve it or ask for help when needed. Give your husband
time to come to grips with the situation. If being
stoic is normal for him, then he may continue to use
this method of coping; it does not necessarily mean that
he is “in denial” or that his coping method is a bad
thing. For someone like this, being forced to talk about
the cancer and feelings may make him feel worse. Be
gentle, supportive, and let him come around on his own
schedule and in his own way. If his reaction is not typical
of his personality, speak with him directly about your
perceptions and concerns, and explain how his reduced
communication affects your feelings. Initiate the conversation
with “When you do this, I feel . . .” Phrasing it
as an “I statement” is less threatening, as it puts the
focus on you and your feelings, reducing the likelihood
that he will feel blamed, threatened, or attacked.

Denial = A defense mechanism people use to reduce 
their distress. It can include minimizing the significance
of a stressful event, or in the extreme, denying its
existence altogether.

Defense mechanism = A psychological method of 
protecting oneself from anxiety or high emotional
distress.