What if my child asks: “Is Mommy going to die?”

61.What if my child asks: “Is Mommy going
to die?”

Children of all ages often ask the “hard” questions that
adults have learned not to blurt out. For example,
sometimes the first question out of a younger child’s
mouth after being told a parent has cancer is “Is
Mommy (or Daddy) going to die?” This is the hard
one. Not only can it bring up tremendous feelings of
fear and anxiety in you, but it is also the time when
most parents want to reassure their child (and themselves)
that everything is going to be okay and that, of
course, Mommy (or Daddy) will not die, will never die.

However, this is simply not true. Just as flowers and
pets will die, everyone dies at some point. While it is
important that you reassure your child, do not misrepresent
the truth. You can say something like, “Yes,
Mommy does have cancer. However, she is getting the
best treatment and seeing the best doctors who are
going to try everything to fight this cancer. Everyone
dies someday, but we are going to battle this cancer
with all our might.” If they have known someone else
to die from cancer, you need to reassure them that this
is not necessarily going to happen to their mother.

Give your child age-appropriate specifics about the
cancer and treatment, including how Mom’s cancer is
different from other situations your child may know
about (such as a grandmother who died of cancer).