How can I allow my father to do these things without feeling that I am neglecting him?

22. I sometimes feel that I am doing too much
for my father.The doctors and the physical
therapist say he needs to do more for himself,
including walking, preparing meals, and
other things.How can I allow my father to
do these things without feeling that I am
neglecting him?

A cancer diagnosis and treatments change a person’s
body, sometimes making it difficult to resume past
activities. Sometimes these changes are permanent,
but sometimes physical changes such as fatigue or
weakness can be improved. Ask your father’s doctor
and physical therapist what they mean, exactly, when
they say they want him “to do more for himself.” Ask
them to help establish reasonable and specific goals for
your father, in order to increase his activity slowly.

The most important part of this process is how your
father feels about his own abilities. Sometimes patients
worry about physical symptoms, or fear that they will
hurt themselves. Find out what he believes his limitations
are and why he has them. If his concerns are medical
in nature, try to have the medical team address
them with him directly. Then you can work out a plan
with your father on how to get him to do the activities
the medical team recommends. Be flexible. It may take
time, or trial periods of alternative or intermediate activities,
before your father reaches the goals you’ve agreed
upon. But by making your father a partner in the
process, you help enhance his self-esteem and relieve
yourself of feeling fully responsible for his recovery.