Lately I seem to think a lot about other bad things that have happened to me in my life. I don’t usually dwell on the past. Is something wrong with me now?

40. Lately I seem to think a lot about other
bad things that have happened to me in my
life. I don’t usually dwell on the past. Is
something wrong with me now?

Thinking about the past can serve many useful purposes.
When things go wrong and life becomes difficult,
it’s natural to wonder why such things happen
and to try to uncover the causes. A normal response is
to want to “fix it.” Common questions for all of us
include: “What did I do wrong? Should I have known
something like this could happen? What could I have
done differently to avoid this or make it better?”

Revisiting the times when you struggled in your life can
be instructive. One way to help yourself is by taking an
inventory of the different ways you managed problems
before and how well your methods of coping worked.

You can apply these past coping methods to your current
problems, or develop new ways of dealing that will
be better at reducing your distress. For example, previously
you may have had another family member who
experienced a life-threatening illness (perhaps a parent).

Was it helpful at that time to have the involvement and
encouragement of other family or friends? Were there
any particular questions for the medical team that you
wished you had asked, that would have helped to prepare
you for what occurred later? What ways did you
temporarily distract yourself or take breaks?

Experience is not only a means for us to learn how to do
things better, however. It also gives us our sense of who
we are as individuals and the meaning of our lives. A life
is never all negative or all positive; it’s always a combination
of both. It’s just as necessary to mourn our losses
as it is to celebrate our joys and triumphs. But, if you
find yourself thinking only about the negative, only
about all the losses in your life, it’s important to balance
that by defining everything good and valuable about
yourself and your life as well. Otherwise, you may be
practicing an unrealistic, skewed pattern of thought that
can contribute to deepening sadness and emotional difficulties.

If this is the case, speak with someone whose
opinion you value and trust in an effort to regain a balanced
perspective. If, on the other hand, you find yourself
“stuck,” thinking that everything in your life has
always been—and always will be—bad or terrible, it is
probably time to seek counseling to explore how your
past may be influencing the present.