How can I do this without feeling too guilty?

43. I have not seen my friends for weeks.
Sometimes I feel that I just need to get away
from the hospital, doctors, and the cancer for
a while.How can I do this without feeling
too guilty?

Spending time with your friends and supportive family
members is one of the most important buffers against
stress for caregivers of people with cancer. And getting
away from the hospital and cancer for a while is a very
important part of taking care of yourself and avoiding
burnout. However, feeling conflicted about being there
for the patient versus focusing on your own needs is
common among family members whom we see. Do
you feel guilty? If so, why?

Family members often tell us that they feel guilty
about having fun when their loved one is sick with
cancer. Or, they feel that if they leave the house, something
bad will happen, and it will be their fault. The
fact is, when asked, patients usually would rather see
their family members taking breaks. It not only gives
them time to themselves, but also somewhat relieves
their own guilt that they are constantly a burden to
others. Good feelings are “contagious.” If you feel better,
the patient might brighten up, too.

If you are having trouble pulling yourself away to
spend time with members of your support network,
start slowly. Begin by asking your friends to come over
to your home, or meet them someplace for coffee near
your home or the hospital. Get a cell phone, if needed,
and check in with your loved one while you are away.

If you want, talk to your friends about how you feel.
Or, just use the time to distract yourself by talking
about their lives or other topics for a while. The patient
may appreciate some time alone, too. On some occasions,
bring your loved one with you to do something
fun, as long as the doctor says it’s okay. This way you
will be spending time with him or her while both of
you have a good time.