How do I offer to help a person with cancer?

If you would like to do something to help a person
with cancer, it’s often easier to suggest specific and
concrete ways of providing help, rather than making
an open-ended offer.

Mark’s comment:

When I was caring for my mother, and now that I have
two friends with cancer, I have made a habit of offering
whatever seemed to make sense in the situation. I’ve bought
groceries for them, given them rides to different places they
might need to go—things like that. I did a lot of shopping
for my mother, but I tried not to take over her life too much
because she hated being dependent on other people. And she
was a proper Yankee lady, so there were certain things she
didn’t want her son doing for her anyway—like her laundry,
or bathing her. I just did the things I could to help out
around the house without making her feel like she wasn’t
independent anymore.

If you would like to do something to help a person
with cancer, it’s often easier to suggest specific and
concrete ways of providing help, rather than making
an open-ended offer of “Just let me know if you need
anything.” Try asking if you can bring over a meal
that week, do laundry, or take him or her to an
appointment. You can also do errands for the immediate
family, such as grocery shopping or taking in
the car for an oil change—anything to free them up
to devote more time to attend to the needs of the
person with cancer.

When offering to help, it’s important to be flexible.
The kind of help that is offered or expected is often
related to how the giver and receiver of help view their
relationship with one another. For example, most people
would not be comfortable with a casual acquaintance
offering to take their kids for the summer. If
your offer of help is turned down, however, it may be
for reasons that have nothing to do with you or the
relationship. So don’t be offended. Offer to do something
else you believe the person may be more comfortable
with, and, of course, make sure that it’s
something that you yourself are comfortable doing.