How can I be more relaxed and better express myself to the medical team?

Between appointments, my wife and I
think of many important questions to ask the
doctor, but when we finally get into the exam
room, I get intimidated and distracted.How
can I be more relaxed and better express
myself to the medical team?

One of the many ways caregivers support patients is by
attending appointments with them. The relationship
you have with the medical team is a crucial aspect of
patient care and can be most helpful when dealing
with important treatment decisions. If you are feeling
vulnerable, there are several things you can do to make
yourself more comfortable:

• Before you go to a doctor’s appointment, the two of
you should discuss your questions and concerns in
advance. By preparing a list of questions before you
step into the office, you will be less likely to forget
any important topics you wish to discuss.

• Record by date any physical observations about your
loved one since your last visit, such as the possible
side effects of treatment or medications, including
pain, fatigue, nausea, sleeplessness, and/or any other
body changes. Also, encourage open discussion with
your loved one’s doctor about her coping, particularly
if she is feeling sad, depressed, or anxious.

• Encourage your loved one to be honest with the
team about her symptoms and about how she is
feeling. We have known some patients to want to
“hide” side effects of their treatment for many reasons.
For example, they may think that the doctor
will put them on a lower dose of treatment, which
will make it less likely to cure the cancer, or they
fear that their cancer is growing if they feel bad.
Still other people are concerned about appearing
“weak” to the doctor.

• Document the doctor’s answers and instructions, or
use a tape recorder so that you will remember
important points after you leave the exam room. Be
sure to ask your doctor’s permission first before
using recording devices.

• Ask for clarification if you do not understand what
the doctor is saying. Oncology physicians are experts
in treating cancer, but sometimes they communicate
differently than other people do. If you do not
understand, do not feel embarrassed to ask, ask, and
ask again. Nurses are specially trained to educate
you about medical issues and can address many
concerns. Asking the clinical nurse to clarify information
in plain terms can be extremely helpful.

• If necessary, ask someone with whom you and the
patient are comfortable to come with you so that
you have another person listening to what the doctor
says. This person can serve as support and as
your advocate, particularly if you have concerns
about expressing yourself or feel overwhelmed by
the information.

• Identify what you think and how you feel about the
doctor. Is he or she intimidating, or likable? Does the
doctor use complex terms that you don’t understand?
Are you afraid of what he or she will find or say
about the cancer? Answers to such questions can
point you in the right direction for overcoming any
negative feelings you may have. Discuss concerns you
have directly with the physician. In doing this, many
problems can be solved, which can help you feel more
comfortable. If your feelings are interfering with your
ability to get appropriate medical care for your loved
one, you and your loved one may consider finding
another physician more suited to the both of you.

Do not feel embarrassed to ask, ask, and ask again.