Since my spouse’s diagnosis, it seems that our family has really changed.We have each risen to the challenge, but how much change is good for our family, and how can we keep things as normal as possible?

66. Since my spouse’s diagnosis, it seems that
our family has really changed.We have each
risen to the challenge, but how much change
is good for our family, and how can we keep
things as normal as possible?

Not only is maintaining a daily routine practical, but
it is also comforting to keep things consistent at a
time when uncertainty about medical issues is high.

Cancer affects the entire family, not merely the patient
diagnosed with the disease. All family members will
react to the news of the cancer diagnosis in their own
ways, and each will cope differently. However, despite
being unique people, you are also part of one family,
and what you each do will affect the rest of the members.

All of you are coping with the normal reactions
to the cancer and feeling appropriate emotions; in
addition, daily life may be altered. The person diagnosed
with cancer may not be able to fulfill his or her
household chores or professional obligations due to
medical treatment or physical changes, and the role of
other family members may need to adjust to compensate.

For example, if long-distance family members
come to the patient’s home to help care for the patient,
having another person around, no matter how helpful
and loving, is still a change to which your family needs
to adapt.

Keeping family life as normal as possible is a good
goal, but be flexible if modifications to your normal
routine are needed or unavoidable. For example, try to
go to bed and wake up at the same times you are used
to, eat meals at the same time, and keep up with physical
activity. After the initial crisis of the diagnosis,
make a point to socialize, attend religious services, and
enjoy other activities. Still clean the house, do the
laundry and other chores (as much as possible). Not
only is maintaining a daily routine practical (the dishes
will be done!), but it is also comforting to keep things
consistent at a time when uncertainty about medical
issues is high. Children, in particular, respond well to
keeping a normal routine. Furthermore, doing things
not related to the diagnosis can be a practical temporary
distraction from the doctors, the hospital, and
other reminders of the cancer.

Hopefully, a “new normal” for your family will be established
with time. As you begin to understand more
about the disease, its symptoms, and your loved one’s
treatments, these aspects of the cancer will become part
of your “new normal.” Talk with your family members,
including your spouse, about what the change has been
like for them. Communication not only can allow people
to vent their feelings, but it can also be an effective
way for you to identify tensions and find solutions to
ensure that life proceeds as normally as possible. If you
believe that your family needs help communicating or
adjusting to the diagnosis, family therapy can be helpful.

You may want to contact your hospital social worker or
investigate local family therapists.

Maintaining normal routines does not mean that you
should be inflexible if alterations in your life need to be
made. It also does not mean that the family needs to
“pretend” that everything is wonderful. Try to strike a
balance between maintaining consistency, but be willing
to change, since sticking to harsh regimens can
exacerbate tensions.